I have a dream....

Law school. Such a road it's been. And I'm not even there yet. Taking the LSAT was huge. It took an entire year of my life.... no going to dinner, I had to take an online class. No chilling on the couch with Richard, because now that he was home, I had to drill the logic games. That task, so rewarding and so productive and so fruitful, took everything over. The Summer has been a blissful celebration of "nothing whatsoever to do" because I had passed my LSAT with the percentile needed to be a competitive applicant in the 2011 admission cycle.

Now that the new applications have gone live, the decision is really hitting me. I remember last year at this time talking to my mom and dad. I told him how much I wanted to go to law school.  That dream had been with me my entire life, really for as long as I can rememer. There was a brief stint where I practiced operating on brains made of playdough and removing mock tumors with butter knives, but I grew out of that grotesque stage thank God! As I spoke to them, their responses came without hesitation: "We'll help." Immediately Dad lamented, "I wish I had known you were doing this, I wouldn't have retired. I could've helped a lot more." My mom cried when I called her with my LSAT score saying how proud she was that I had achieved that for myself. But none of it was real. Not until now.

The apps are live. Now I am faced with days upon days of work, hard work that will take me away from family and friends. It feels a bit selfish, even though I know it is selfless. In emailing with a recent graduate, he punctuated for me what I already knew: The people in my life must KNOW what a committment this is. It is easy to say they know, but they MUST KNOW what they are getting into. And now I feel selfish again... for dragging my family down this road and expecting them to give up so much, so that I can achieve my dream.

I will admit, I am a little overwhelmed. Finances, child care, work hours, household duties all will change and are currently undergoing huge changes in preparation for an unbelievably high tuition, clustered schedule, homework load and emotional upheaval! And then I feel selfish again.

There is nothing unique about this road I'm going down. Hundreds of thousands have done it before me, and I try to play it off as NO BIG DEAL! But it is a big deal to me. And it's something I feel very proud to do and very honored to do. And then I realize how very selfish this all is.

Then it hits me, I may not get in. So this is all conjecture.... and it's just more... waiting. Till January.

You Just Can't Tell Some People Anything

I get really irritated by people's "opinions". Opinion's are like assholes. Everyone has one. I shouldn't say that opinions irritate me per se, but that opinions rooted in one little piece of a tiny little bit of a person and then perpetuated through the milennia really irritate me.

Once people to learn to move on and move forward and quit the constant conjecture and judgments, things would get so much easier. If people kept the golden rule in mind: Treat others as you would like to be treated, can you imagine how much better life would get? How much better would we treat each other? I'm no saint, but I don't set out to punish and sometimes the things that other folks do, make it pretty hard to characterize their behavior as anything other than punitive. Life would be so much easier if people would just stop! There is nothing productive about constantly looking for the weakest link in someone's armor just to stab at it every time you get a chance.

Sleep Paralysis or Something Else?

I have always believed in an after life. I have not always believed that our two worlds intersect. Not until November of 2005 when I received a very real visit from someone who had passed away five months earlier.

Last night, I had quite the experience. It's bothered me all day today. Last night, at 4:00 a.m. Ms. Grace climbed into bed with me. She always says she's scared, but can't tell me why she's scared. This happens nearly every night. I have always thought it was odd, because when Faith was in that room she woke up every night too. We moved her to the bigger room when Gracie was born and Faith has slept through the night ever since. I always suspected there was something in that particular room making things uncomfortable. We have all felt cold spots in the doorway of that room.

Sheyenne and I have also had experiences in the living room. We both had the same experience; neither of us told the other until months later when the family was talking about the energy they felt in my house. Sheyenne and I were laying on the same couch, at separate times, and felt someone scratch the crown of our heads. When we turn around, there is no one there. It was not sinister, creepy yes, sinister no. We chalked it up to Pap or Uncle Billy paying us a visit. But now, I'm starting to really wonder. 

After Gracie crawled into bed with me, I began to drift off to sleep. But I didn't make it there. I felt like I had been confined to a straight jacket and couldn't move. I felt like something was sitting on me. I didn't hear voices, or foot steps or anything like that, I just couldn't move. Whatever was there felt angry to me. All I could think of was Grace. If I was feeling this, was she? Was someone there, who might hurt her and I really was being pinned down? I began to pray and it went away. This experience was very, very frightening.

Last weekend, I bought annointing oil for the house because I sensed that the energy in my house was turning negative. My mom blessed the house when we FIRST moved in because doors had been slamming, things were disappearing and there were cold spots in my bedroom. But now, things seem to be ramping up again and in a different way. The house feels heavy and sad.

I wondered if anyone else experienced what I did so I googled it. I found that many, many people have experienced this and worse; some hear voices, others hear laughter, footsteps, even profanity from what they characterize as a demon. Others say they have seen something crouched at their bedside.

This was a very unsettling experience. I will be annointing the house tonight for sure! I was going to wait until Saturday, when the entire family could annoint the house as a unit, but I'm going to do it tonight and then again on Saturday for good measure. I know this sounds crazy, but I swear I'm not!

End of Summer is Nigh!

It's been an okay summer for my family this year. Our annual trip to the Ocean was a great time but, outside of this one get-away weekend there isn't much more to speak of by way of vacations.

The kids though have thoroughly enjoyed summer activities at Auntie's house with their cousins!

Our summer was spent with... well, with the Wall That Took A Summer. Also known as the retaining wall.
From the moment we moved into our house we wanted to do a retaining wall; our back yard is smallish and so the retaining wall seemed to make the most sense in terms of maximizing space for the kids and the dogs and for me! The wall is done, and now the clean up effort ensues. Hauling away dirt and planting new grass is now the order of the day. I know it will be worth it in the end, but WOW... it's taken WAY too long.

Faith is starting pre-kindergarten this year. I cannot believe it. She is getting so big and will be five years old in November. She's an amazing little girl full of vigor and curiosity. I cannot help but swell with pride at each milestone. This year is a little harder, admittedly, because it's hitting me that this is all going way to fast! It seems like just yesterday I brought her home. I better get a handle on my emotions now because it's only going to be harder for me from here on out!

Gracie will be two years old next month! No longer a toddler or a baby... becoming a BIG GIRL! She can count to ten and is working now on her ABC's. She loves her sissy and follows her all around the house doing everything Faith does!

This summer has brought many, many changes. Not only to the litteral landscape of our home, but to the figurative landscape of my life and my family. It's not always easy to embrace the fact that children get older, people change,  move away, and grow in ways that are sometimes hard to understand and sometimes wonderful to behold! But, overall, the changes have been positive and helped everyone in the Steele-Jorgensen household come closer together.

No Title. :)

Me and the girls

Welcome!

I like to 'journal' and now I'm making the jump to what I consider to be the modern day printing press. The title says it all... this blog is about my life. I have so many wonderful things that I love to share and I want to be able to share them in a creative and accesible way.

Hope everyone enjoys my rather eclectic mix of blog entries. :)