People.

People amaze me. You can be blessed with the best of them, cursed with the worst of them, or be confused with a mixture of both! People expect a lot. People expect perfectionism of others, but not of themselves. They expect velvet gloves, while they use an iron hand. They expect dignity when they themselves delimit. They expect candor while they themselves illicit passive aggresive torture.

I don't neccesarily like a lot of people. There are many people whom I consider acquaintances, but not friends. Not because I am neccesarily judgy, but rather because others are. Only a handful of folks get to know the real me. The rest barely illicit an emotion from me. Kind and courteous rather than sincere and intimate are the order of the day, most days. I just find it better to keep most folks an arms length away.

It amazes me how some folks are brought to tears over a simple correction but can dish out aggression and resistance where none is warranted; except maybe by their overly simplistic and self centered dialogue convince them it is warranted. And still others are not perfect themselves, but expect no mistakes, no mis-steps, no imperfection. All ways are their ways!

As I've gotten older, I've learned to deal with this reality much better. In highschool, it really, really bothered me. I anguished over the question, "Why doesn't X like me?" Not... in-like... but like as a friend.

In my early and mid 20's I just embraced the fact that the problems weren't always mine; sometimes the problem laid within others and was manifesting in me. I didn't anguish so much as I allowed that age old question to nag me.

Now that I'm pushing 30, I'm more secure with my self, even where shortcomings are involved. I get it, I screw up. I do it. We all do it. I'm not perfect, never will be. So why do others expect me to be? Seems to me that the problem is not me, but other's expectations. And that's a powerful statement for me; because for the first time EVER... I actually believe it.

I'll be 30 in a few months and I am grateful for the experience , confidence and balance it brings with it. As for the rest, it should take care of itself.

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. -Harriet Braiker