sunday...

Yep that's the day of the week :-p

Over the last few days I have begun to turn away from deconstructing my past and look forward to constructing my future. That involved redefining myself and the only part of one whole, instead of one part of a whole. It also required me to ask myself what I want for myself. That question was very hard for me to answer and I'm not convinced I've answered if fully, if at all.

I want happiness. Bottom line. Happiness to me has to be completely restated. Happiness used to be my marriage and my family; feeling as though I was keeping all balls in the air at all times and doing so with ease and efficiency. Well, clearly, that didn't work out. I didn't have anything under control. Not a THING.

Over the last eight weeks, a new defnition of "happy" has begun to slowly emerged. I like having all of my laundry done. That makes me happy. It also makes me happy to wake up in the morning and have a job. Moreover, I find great joy in my daughters; in everything they do really. Their laugh, their smile, their questions, their milestones. I find contentment in my friends and family... especially my the people who have supported me and cared for me throughout this, the most difficult time, in my life.

But...what about happiness in someone else? What about... hmmm... a new boy? Well, that's a tricky question.