so this morning i woke up, totally happy that i slept all night long. but then i immediately checked my phone to see if richard texted me that he got to work okay. and then i realized, that's not going to happen. ever again. so all morning, i've been thinking about the most depressing crap. i can barely stand to type it let alone think it and i'm not going to type it here. because i don't want to re-read it. i want to delete it. like his number from my phone, his pictures from my facebook, his text messages, his emails, the songs he would send me, the love letters he would write me (ten years worth). I wish it was that easy and I know it's not. there is nothing easy about this, even though i know how horribly he treated me and my girls. i know there is nothing easy about this and this is part of change, but i'm sick of crying about it. Crying and anger and confusion and disbelief dominate my day.
basically, i tried to be his "everything". now i have to be just me, so now what!
yesterday i felt angry and today i feel hurt. i would rather feel angry.
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