Thank God

Everytime I start to feel scared, I just remember... three things:

1. Faye
2. Grace
3. Patti

With only three things to do:

1. Take care of the girls
2. Go to work
3. Take care of me

I know this is weird, but even thinking a week in advance gives me a panic attack.

I am barely a month over 30 years old and, barely two months ago, I was looking forward to this decade in my life and all the self assuredness that brings with it. Now, I'm sitting at my computer on Christmas Eve with a glass of juice, trying to force feed myself half of a mini bagel, and wellbutrin staring me in the face. NOT what we planned at the beginning of November when we were coordinating vacation days and such. But, it is what it is.

I'm so happy 2010 is ending. It's been a difficult year, first with Gracie's surgeries, then with Faith's schooling, now finding out Richard is basically a whore, whoring around with whatever would stand still long enough for him in his office, and finally, it costing him his job!

That being said, I am determined to open this decade of my life with positivity and light. I am going to find my new balance and I will persevere! There is more to life than despair and darkness. I know, I have lived it and intend to live it again. I know that God wants more for me and my girls than that. He wants us to find peace, love and light and I intend to get there!

I heard a quote the other day that coincidences are God's way of manifesting his presence in our lives and that when we pray, we encounter coincidences and when we do not pray, we do not. There are too many coincidences; divine messages at just the right moments in my life. I have started to listen to those messages and push the other thoughts out.

It's true, there are cruel reminders of my old life everywhere, but now that life is gone. That doesn't mean my life is over! There is something new and positive blooming within me and I intend on embarcing that fully.