numb.

So this morning, I'm awake. Since about 4:30 a.m. Had to throw up. Well, throwing up would mean that I ate so dry heave.

Yesterday, I got scared. Really scared. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? What the hell am I going to do? Instead of just crying about it, I texted a friend and told them I was scared... and cried about it :)

The girls and I had a good evening last night and I began to feel happy. For the first time in over a month, since he left, I felt happy in a way that wasn't related to him. I thought, "This will be okay". Before, I felt happy because he was in counseling, happy because we were talking again, happy because things seemed to be working out. But last night I felt happy just cause I felt the fog lift, even for a brief moment.

But it's back again.

Only today I'm numb. And I'm wondering... how much longer.