Each time I think, "Wow, nothing is harder than this" something gets harder!
Last night I told Faith that Daddy wasn't going to live with us anymore. I asked her if she had questions or wanted to talk about her feelings. She answered, "I can't talk about that right now." And off she went to play. At that moment, I was extremely grateful for dodging that huge bullet.
Tonight, the floodgates opened. So many hurtful and emotional questions. That small heart, so full of love and acceptance and joy, struggled to wrap itself around a concept just too big for her to understand.
I know all I can do is reassure her. All I can tell her is that Daddy loves her and wants the best for her. All I can tell her is that Daddy misses them, too.
But it's hard for me to say that. Cause anyone who truly was thinking of their daughters would not have done what he did. Anyone who truly loved his family would have done the right thing, even though nobody was looking.
That's not a concept her five year old heart can understand and I don't intend to lay that at her feet. This is my burden, not hers. Her pain eclipses my own and I ache for what she's lost and what she SHOULD have had. A family unit, wholesome and loving and strong. One weak link is all it takes.
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